Building self esteem

Building a Child’s Self Esteem

Self -esteem is perhaps one of the most talked about topics in education and childcare.  Teachers, caregivers, parents and friends are always thinking about how they can increase their child’s self esteem to help them to grow up to be a successful, well adjusted adult.

A child with special needs poses unique challenges to those who are working toward increasing their self worth.   Often children who have special needs have some awareness that they are different from others. They are in different classrooms, have different interests, and are treated differently than other children.

One way to help build a child’s self esteem is to capitalize on these differences, and point them out to the child a positive thing.

A special needs child, John, was very upset after class. He began crying and told his mom he was sad because he did not get to go in the ‘big classroom’, but has to go in the ‘little classroom’ (special needs class). His mom was distraught and did not know what to say. Finally she began reminding him about all of the wonderful aspects of the ‘ little classroom’ and began to point out that John got to do a lot of things in his ‘little class’ that the children in the ‘big class’ did not get to do. This excited John very much and sparked a long conversation on how he was indeed very special and was allowed certain privelleges that they other children at school did not get.

 John’s mother was very clever at reframing John’s situation. Of course she was sad John had special needs and was not in the mainstream classroom, but she knew that by reframing the situation and pointing out the positive would boost John’s self esteem and made her feel happy as well.

                                                     

Here are some more tips and simple ways to boost a child with special needs self esteem:

1. Compliment, compliment, compliment: Looking for small achievements and opportunities to compliment a child can do wonders at increasing their self worth. Make sure that the compliments are genuine and not ‘made up’, your child can most certainly tell the difference. Look for things such as how well they made their bed, ate their veggies, were kind to a classmate etc. By giving a child positive feedback for things that they are doing, they will be more apt to do those positive things again in the future and will feel good about themselves
2. Look for a child’s special, unique attributes: Children with special needs are often used to being told that they are different and special. Focusing on exactly what makes a child so special and unique will help to boost their confidence and self worth. Small details, such as being very good at tying one’s shoes, or speaking very clearly while talking to others should be pointed out and praised.
3. Specific praise is best: Telling the child exactly why they are so special, rather than just saying to them “You are special” will help to boost a child’s self esteem. Try to steer clear of general phrases such as ‘ Good job” when you are praising a child. Use specifics whenever possible. These specifics will help a child to realize exactly why they are being praised, and will reinforce their desirable behavior even furthur.
4. .Too much praise can be a bad thing: Be careful not to overdo it, there is such a thing as too much praise. If a child is constantly being praised, the words begin to lose their value and are not as effective. Try for 2-5 compliments a day to start and take it from there.

It is sad that often parents of special needs children feel that their child really does not have any strengths that they can easily identify. Parents of special needs children are often overwhelmed, stressed, angry and saddened that they have a special needs child. The self esteem that a special needs child develops is a direct reflection of the attitude his or her caretakers show toward him or her.

It is detrimental to a childs self esteem to have supportive, loving and active caregivers. If you find yourself uncomfortable when trying to find things to compliment your child on, or feel overwhelmed, please seek support. There are various resources for caregivers of special needs children that provide much needed support and  education for those who care for children with special needs. Taking the time to work on yourself is not only needed, but a necessary componenet to helping your child grow up happy and healthy.