Special needs relief for caregivers

Taking care of another person, particularly a child can be very stressful. Add in the extra demands and challenges of raising a child with a developmental delay and it is no wonder that caregivers are often overworked, stressed and burned out.

The most important thing to realize as a caregiver is that the stress that you feel is completely normal. Doing the best job that you can is what is important. It is hard not to compare yourself to other parents, or judge yourself for certain decisions you have made regarding your child. Just remember that if you are caring for your child with their best interest at heart, you are doing an excellent job.

Often parents of children with developmental disabilities feel like they are not doing enough for a child, or that they are somehow failing as a caregiver. They feel stress and grief that their child possesses special needs, and are frequently overworked and overwhelmed. Divorce is much more common in families who have a child with a developmental disability due to the unique stresses that raising a special needs child places upon a family.

Children with developmental delays are often unpredictable, which can create stress. It is important that caregivers do not give in to a child’s demands in every situation, and especially while the child is tantruming. This will create a cycle of positive reinforcement where the child will learn that tantrum= getting what they want.

There is no easy fix for the stress that accompanies care giving, but there are things that can be done to reduce the amount of stress a caregiver feels that will allow them to live a more pleasurable and less chaotic life.

The #1 rule to reducing stress and becoming a better caregiver is to make time for oneself. This seems like a strange way to reduce stress when it is already difficult to make time in the day for a child’s activities, chores, work etc. Adding in time for oneself during the day, everyday will drastically help to reduce a caregiver’s overall stress level.

Taking care of oneself can mean going on a walk, reading a favorite book or eating at a nice restaurant. Taking time out to focus on oneself everyday does not have to mean planning 3 hours everyday just for ‘me; time (although that would be nice, but often not realistic!). 15-30 minutes is plenty of time to relax and recharge.

Most caregivers place themselves as a last priority because they are so busy taking care of others that they do not leave time for themselves. This is a common occurrence, and can be very damaging to not only the caregiver but to the rest of the family as well. When a caregiver is not well rested, frazzled and stressed they lack the energy to take care of their children and create a stressful vibe that their children pick up on. This causes the children to become stressed and act out accordingly.

A overworked and stressed out caregiver, Joan was continually taking care of her 3 children, one of who was on the ASD spectrum. Joan was always tired and felt like there was never enough time in the day to get everything done. Her daily schedule consisted of getting her 3 kids ready for school, dropping them off at school, driving to work (part time as a receptionist), doing grocery shopping and laundry after work, picking her kids up from school, taking her kids to swimming, soccer and flute lessons, making dinner, cleaning up and finally going to bed. Her children were wonderful, but often her child with ASD posed unique challenges such as refusing to eat unless it was on a certain plate and various meetings, IEP’s etc at school that also added extra layers on to her already packed day. Reading Joan’s daily schedule, one can imagine how day after day, week after week Joan would slowly become exhausted and burned out. The interesting thing is most caregivers have a daily schedule very similar to Joan’s but do not think twice about it. Try writing down a daily schedule to see all of the things that are done in one day. Then take a closer look at that schedule and see where things can be modified to reduce stress and free up more time. Joan’s schedule was very full, but working out carpools with other parents freed up some time, as did asking her husband to help out making dinner a few nights a week. These small changes gave Joan some much needed down time where she did not have to always be rushing through her day and even allowed her to start reading a book  a few times a week.

Often caregivers of children with developmental disabilities feel isolated and separated from others. They might feel like parents of neurotypical children do not understand or sympathize with the unique challenges they face and feel like it is better to just handle the task of care giving with out support from other parents. This feeling of isolation is very common and can be remedied by reaching out to others who are in similar situations. Looking for parents of children with developmental disabilities to interact with in your child’s classroom is a wonderful first step to decreasing the feeling of isolation. Researching local support groups is also a fantastic way to interact with other parents who can truly understand.

Speaking to a therapist regularly is a healthy way to release the stress and frustrations that accompanies raising a child with a developmental disability. Insurance will often cover part of visits with a mental health professional, and many agencies offer discounts based on income. 

Special needs relief can also provide one on one, individualized relief to help support those who care for special needs children.